set in 1990s Edinburgh in an alternative universe where uncanny powers might be starting to exist
| characters: Susan Phillips, Bob Fudge, Drongo (James Bell), Jane Stuart, John Huang, Charles Reynauld, Martin Farmer, John Cassidy events: 1/8/90, 2/8/90, 4/8/90, 14/8/90, 18/8/90, 21/8/90, 29/8/90, 3/10/90, 6/10/90, 7/11/90, 13/11/90, 21/11/90, 28/11/90, 4/12/90, 13/12/90, 18/12/90, 10/1/91, 18/2/91, 30/4/91, 14/6/91, 23/6/91 |
1/8/90 to 30/9/90, 3/10/90 to 12/11/90, 13/11/90 to 27/11/90,
28/11/90 to 19/12/90, 20/12/90 to 25/12/90, 26/12/90 to 2/1/91, 4/1/91 onwards
transcript of interview with Drongo - 31/08/90
Jane's letter to the Fate Club Management
Drongo's postcard to his mother from Moscow
| Susan: So, Mr Bell, how did you happen to be up at the Castle last night? Drongo: Whut? Och, ye ken. ‘Cos ye thocht ye micht need me. An' ah need the dosh. Ah am getting peyt fur this, aye? Susan: (Whispers) No, you idiot, you can't say you were with us – make something up! And yes, you'll get paid. Drongo: Oh aye, ah see whit ye mean. Braw. Errr. Aye. Tae see the firewurks, that'll be it. Aye. ‘cos o' thay fireworks. It's a braw show, ye ken. An there aften lassies wantin liftit, tae see proper, which gies ye an in ye ken…… Susan: Getting back to the scene at the castle, Mr Bell – what went through your mind when the terrorists' van roared up? Drongo: (Thinks – Ah cannae tell her that, she'll kill me!) Uhh, “He's in a bit of a hurry”, I suppose. Susan: And when they jumped out and shot the guards? Drongo: Thank Goad it wasnae me! Susan: (Hisses) Maybe something slightly more heroic..? Drongo: Aye. Ye bastid! That's no on! Susan: (whisper) Better! Mind the language though! Susan: So what did you do then? Drongo: Ah ran ower tae thay twa sojers tae see if Ah could do onything. Wan was kilt, nae heid, brains all ower, but Ah did whut Ah could for the other fella. He wis in an awfy way, mind. They say he'll be Ok, though. Puir bugger. Susan: And once you'd saved his life, what then? Drongo: Ah dinnae ken if Ah saved his life – he'd likely have lastit ‘til the meatwaggon turnt up. Ah jist made him a bit comfy, like. Susan: (whisper) Never mind, it makes a better story – (normal voice) what did you do next? Drongo: Ah whipped the ignition oot their van, so's they couldnae git awa. It'd slow ‘em doon so's the pigs could get ‘em. Susan: (whisper) Don't call the police that! I'm trying to make you look good here! Drongo: Sorry hen, it's whit ah calls thae cu…. Sods. Susan: That was quick thinking! And then you bravely went into the castle, unarmed, knowing that the killers were in there? Drongo: Aye, Jane and Bob were in there. I cudnae... Susan: (whispers) No, you were supposed to be there on your own. Remember, we weren't there. Drongo: Oh aye. Ah furgoat. Aye, er, Ah wantit tae keep an eye on thae bast – sorry hen – gunmen an Ah kent there wis aye a phone just by the gate, so's ah could call the pi…polis. Susan: So having notified the Authorities, when you could have left it to them, you went on into the castle to hunt down the murderous villans? Drongo: Aye. Ye cannae stand by when wrong's done, ye have tae dae yer bit tae pit things right. They'd kilt wan puir sod, and near kilt anither, ah cudnae let them carry on like that, cud ah? ‘s no on. Ah wasnae feart, onyhow, ye ken whit happint when thon guy shot me in Leith. Susan: So what happened in the castle then? Drongo: Ah cud hear they wis up at the top o't rock, so ah nipped up they stairs tae the chapel. They wisnae expectin' me tae pop up so ah wis gettin' tore intae them afore they kent whit was oan. They wis awfy lightweights – a slip o' a lassie could pit them doon. Ah reckon it wis only that they wisnae expectin' it that did fae the guys at the gate – once in a real fecht they boys wis toast. Cudnae fecht fae toffee, no more'n they could shoot straight wince ah got in among ‘em. Susan: You, unarmed, single-handedly attacked four proved killers with automatic weapons? I think you're being overmodest there Mr Bell. It must have been terrifying! Drongo: Jane wis feart, richt enuf, but ye an Bob did ah richt fae civilians. Och, sorry, aye. It wis a wee bit hairy, aye, but thae goons wis in oor castle! Ah wis that mad wi them ah didnae think o' onything except pitting them on the deck. Aye, the bullets wis wizzing aboot mah heid but ah wis lucky and they didnae hit me tae badly – didnae stop me, onyways. Ah wis in amongst ‘em an they wis mabies feart o' hittin' each o'er. Ah dinnae ken. Onyways, I banjoed them. Susan: Then, having subdued all resistance from the raiders, you saw they had stolen the Honours of Scotland? Drongo: Aye, wheel the wee yin wis carryin' a bag, an ah thocht ah'd hae a wee keek in an see whit wis whit. Ah wis that amazed – ah didnae ken they wid be that easy tae get oot the case! Susan: And was that what made you check inside? Drongo: Aye, ah wantit tae see hoo thay'd goat intae thon case. Then ah saw thon muckle bomb, so ah jist grabbed the bag an scarpered – ah wasnae hingin arooned tae se whit wid happen when it got tae nought! Ah should mebbies hae grabbed wun o thay guys, but ah guess thay wis askin fer it. You shudnae play wi fire if ye dinnae want tae git burnt. An ah wisnae leavin the Honours tae get blowt up. Nae chance. |
(see also Susan's notes on this incident)
To the Manager of Fate Club, NYC Dear sir, I would like to complain about my treatment at the hands of your bouncers on the 27th November. I came to your club with my friends for a quiet night out which, I'm sure you would agree, is something we are all entitled to. Imagine my shock when I discover that your management seem to value the custom of a few vapid celebs on their way down the greasy pole rather than that of a fine upstanding member of the press. So, naturally, when asked to leave, I refused. At which point I was manhandled out by the bouncers, who ignored my requests to talk to you. As if that wasn't enough it appears one of your barmen doesn't understand the importance of practice when learning a new language. If he had asked I would have explained I was just practicing my Arabic vocabularly lesson, but instead, he called the police! Luckily, they had more sense than your doorman and soon let me go. I have no idea what compensation your club could possibly offer me that could make up for the way I have been treated, but I await your response. Jane Stuart |
Jane also states: " I don't stalk celebs! They chose to live off their public image. If they can't stick to it all the time, it's not my problem."
| "Dear Ma, Hullo frae Moscow! Hope this finds you well as it leaves me. It's baltic here and naebody seems tae need ony jeans. Made a new pal called Dimitri - but he disnae hiv a clue aboot enjins. Still, he's company when ah'm oot fur a wander aboot. This is a photie o' a muckle square here but there's nae much tae see. Love James" |
* Drongo's 'new pal' is his KGB minder, who is supposed to be following him quietly but who keeps getting called upon to hold various tools, even though Drongo says he's useless and can't tell the difference between a 5/8 and a 7/16 spanner.
1/8/90 to 30/9/90, 3/10/90 to 12/11/90, 13/11/90 to 27/11/90, 28/11/90 to 19/12/90, 20/12/90 to 25/12/90, 26/12/90 to 2/1/91, 4/1/91 onwards
transcript of interview with Drongo - 31/08/90
Jane's letter to the Fate Club Management
Drongo's postcard to his mother from Moscow