On the fourth day of May, many nobles assembled in the Shire of Caer Caledon to enjoy the Fayre and the Feast of Fire.
The Feast begun with court business, which was dominated by the conflict between Sir Corwyn of Ambrose and the Steward of Caer Caledon, Hrothgar Bertram.
For those who don't remember: Hrothgar had admitted to defiling virgin goats and later accused the entire Chivalry of the realm of Albion of being liars when he was confronted with confession. Sir Corwyn then swore an oath to kill every member of the Bertram household in response to this accusation of bearing false witness.
Hrothgar summoned a witness, the learned Cathbad, who tried to save him with these clever words;
The Steward of Caer Caledon had not touched the goats, therefore he wasn't the one Sir Corwyn wanted to kill. For such a person didn't exist, the oath sworn was already fulfilled.
However, his efforts were in vain, for there wasn't anyone who cared about the fate of the goats, as long as they didn't belong to Albion;(editor's note: see clause five of the Oath of The Chivalry), and the Hrothgar who had insulted our noble Knights was very definitely existing, although he became somewhat pale when his witness gave in to that argument.
Although Hrothgar refused to apologise and even claimed he was the one who got insulted, Sir Corwyn proved his magnanimity and made no use of his right to kill Caer Caledon's Steward after he was assured that the confession was in fact a misunderstanding and that Hrothgar had never intentionally called anyone a liar.
After this affair had come to a good end, the Lord Seneschal, Lucan Alisader d'Evereux, resigned in favour of his former steward. For his outstanding performance as Lord Seneschal he became honoured with the sword of Caer Caledon, a very fine blade which he surely deserved. While many nobles congratulated him and took the chance to try out he sword, Hrothgar Bertram took over the position of Lord Seneschal; his first action was to proscribe every use of the word "goat" in the realm, which was answered by the entire hall making goat-noises.
Finally the meal begun, and the nobles enjoyed a fine performance of theatre as well as jugglers and other artists. However, the centre of attraction was Vigdis Gunnarsdottir. Despite her young age, she was the second most beautiful Lady present (after her mother of course); reliable sources report that many a good nobleman already made offers!
Unfortunately, the Feast took a strange progression towards the end. First some gentles tried to set fire to their beards - the mead seemed to be stronger than expected. Then another dispute erupted when one of Caer Caledon's nobles accused another one of stealing his cattle (goats?). The witnesses they called then started a discussion whether cattle can go through doors or not - some of them swore they have seen so - and their arguing took no end. After a while all food available had been eaten and the Cook didn't dare to interrupt the discussion; thus Lord David of Oxford, Seneschal of the Shire of Egaill and therefore also sovereign over Caer Caledon ended the conflict by threatening to confiscate all cattle of both parties if the dispute wasn't ended within one minute and he got food on his plate. Assisted by Sir Alastair Saunders, Sir Corwyn of Ambrose and myself he made such an impression that the disputing parties at once found a solution; they agreed not to agree and fight it out later, so the Feast could continue.
This had take so long that there was no time left for other Entertainments; the story-telling competition had to be cancelled, and only one dance could be performed before the Feast had to end - there wasn't even enough time left to enjoy the sweets the Cooks had provided.
Nevertheless, all - at least all sitting under the banner of Albion - had an excellent Feast and many a good goat-joke got invented this night.